Throughout my research, I noticed that there aren’t that many articles discussing the topic on how to pick the right wife or how to pick your bride. The article that stands out the most on this topic comes from Victor Pride, which I agree with for the most part. I decided to write an article on this topic to give you my perspective. I have conducted many couples bible study groups and I think I can bring a Christian perspective here; a biblical paradigm. Many of the other authors will come at you with a secular world view on marriage, which does have its value; a Christian can use, somewhat, a secular perspective but must do so by reading critically and not losing the Biblical Christian perspective. I will bring you a bible based opinion, which is also very applicable.
One night, I was watching television with my wife and a program titled 90 day fiance was on. This realty show goes into the fact that many Americans are going overseas to acquire a bride on a visa. The men who get these brides must marry them before the 90 day period is over. If they did not get married within the 90 day period, then the bride must return to her home land.
Marriage, as we see it here in America, is a slippery slope because of the current culture. For this reason we see many men searching for their brides overseas. The reason for this is because many of the women here in the USA do not hold to the traditional values of Marriage. Many have been conditioned (brain washed) to believe that men and women are completely equal and a woman can wear the pants in the family and wear many hats. This is absolutely not true. God created men and women to be different and to complement one another. We both have different rolls to play in the nuclear family. Women are natural nurturers and men are not. Women are emotional; men are logical, or at least supposed to be.
A woman who has accepted the lord Jesus as her lord and savior absolutely cannot be a woman’s libber; she understands her wifely duties, which are her family, home, husband and children. This is the complete opposite of what we see here in America and what is being taught in the indoctrination centers called schools.
There has been a growing conspiracy in America to kill the modern family. Female empowerment is a complete fallacy that has been sold to the American women by the truck load. A Godly virtuous woman’s true happiness comes from her family where the man is the head of the house hold.
Women today need a clear understanding of how they should relate to their husbands. In fact, the significant social changes brought about by the women’s movement over the last few decades have led to such confusion that the very idea of “roles” is repugnant to many women. They feel as if somehow they lose their identity and their freedom if they adhere to some type of what they believe to be “outdated standards.”
To understand what to look for in a potential bride and to understand what a wife’s roll is in the nuclear family, we must go to the Bible to see what it says on this subject. And while the Bible doesn’t apply our modern word “role” to marriage, the Scriptures are clear about the unique responsibilities God assigns to a wife.
When searching for your potential wife, a man should see the following during the relationship because a wife should do the following:
- She must be a helper to her husband. While all of us are called to be helpers to others, the Bible places a special emphasis on this responsibility for wives. Genesis tells us that God realized it wasn’t good for man to be alone, and that He decided to make a “helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). It is interesting to note that the Hebrew meaning of the wordhelperin this passage is found hereafter in the Bible to refer only to God as He helps us. The fact that this same word is applied to a wife signifies that women have been given tremendous power for good in a husbands’ life. God has designed wives to help their husbands become all that God intends for them to be.
- She must Respect her husband. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul says,the wife must respect her husband.” When you respect your husband you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, and esteem him. It means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you, and considering his needs and values.
Every husband wants his wife to be on his team; to be his cheerleader. A husband needs a wife who is behind him, believing in him, appreciating him, and cheering him on as he goes out into the world.
- She must love her husband.Titus 2:4 calls for wives “to love their husbands.” A good description of the kind of love your husband needs is “unconditional acceptance.” Unconditional love is AGAPE love, which is the same love God has for mankind. Unconditional love is accepting your husband just as he is, an imperfect person. Love also means being committed to a mutually fulfilling partnership. Keep in mind that LOVE is not an emotion but a decision you make on a daily basis to be committed to your husband and your wife. A husband’s needs should be important.
- “Submit” to the leadership of the husband.Just mention the word “submission,” and many women immediately become angry and even hostile. This controversial concept has been highly debated and misunderstood.
Some husbands and wives actually believe submission indicates that women are inferior to men in some way, and that the man becomes supreme lord and dictator. The Bible teaches that Jesus said to husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church. The church comprises of those individuals who have accepted Jesus Christ as lord and savior. Keep in mind that Jesus gave up his life as a sacrifice to save mankind. He really did not have to do that if he chose not to. But he did because he freely made the decision to love mankind. Just like us, we are to be gentle to our wives, love and support them and help them; we are also to protect them and give our life for them if need be.
I have known women who think that if they submit they will lose their identity and become “non-persons.” A Godly woman must also be very careful to whom she plans to submit to. If the guy she plans to marry is a stupid little candy ass who is a manipulative sissy boy, and who complains about everything and is not a Godly Alpha male but a sissified fruit cake, then she should look elsewhere. Others fear (some with good reason) that submission leads to being used or abused.
What does God have in mind? Here are two passages from Scripture:
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them(Colossians 3:18-19). Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body(Ephesians 5:22-30).
These Scriptures make it clear that a wife should submit voluntarily to her husband’s sensitive and loving leadership (Note: keep in mind the words SENSITIVE AND LOVING leadership and not dictatorial and mean leadership). When a wife does this she is voluntarily submitting to her husband, completing him. She is helping him fulfill his responsibilities, and helping him become the man, the husband, and the leader God intended him to be.
Building oneness in marriage works best when both partners choose to fulfill their responsibilities voluntarily, with no pressure or coercion. To become the servant-leader God has commanded him to be, the husband needs the gracious respect and submission of his bride. And when the husband loves his wife the way he is commanded to, she can more easily submit herself to that leadership. It is a win-win.
I have heard many friends of mine say that Marriage is a bad deal. Marriage is a bad deal here in America only because the Liberal-statist, heathen – pagan establishment, since the 1960’s, pushed through the concept of gender equality and the women’s liberation movement. I have heard many secular women say, If the marriage does not work out there is always divorce. The woman who talks like this is not a keeper. Throw her back and continue on your search. Divorce should never be an option. Here in America, a couple, especially a man, should carefully study his options. Men have much more to lose than a woman in a divorce situation.
The American culture is guilty of destroying the nuclear family by belittling men. Women are always made out to be the victim while men are the villains.
The American culture has conditioned (brain washed) men to believe that women are our equals and can do anything men can do. In a divorce situation, the woman gets to keep 75 percent of everything. She keeps everything including the kids and can have a boyfriend on the side as well. This is why marriage here in American can be a raw deal for men if divorce is contemplated.
This is why divorce should never be an option and keep in mind that we live on a huge planet. If you cannot find your bride here in America because women do not hold to traditional marriage values, then you can go overseas like many men do as shown on the reality show 90 day fiance.
I have been married now for five years. Although marriages are not perfect, my wife adheres to all of the Christian virtues espoused in this article. My wife is from south American and a conservative Christian. She has not been plagued with the disease the woman’s movement has brought into our society.
I will bring much more on this topic because it is one that good conservative men should take back.
I also advise you to read Victor Prides well written article on How to pick the right wife. Remember to read critically and keep your biblical principles intact. Let me know what you think.
Until Next Time
God Bless you all.
P.S. Listen to Podcast on Marriage